dear santa for christmas i want lesbian romantic comedies thank you
Me and the bf were just talking about how we want a trans* romcom.
yes all sorts of queer rom coms
do you know the slapstick hilarity that is getting into a new binder it would be amazing
tripping on your cock when you get out of bed
your cock falling out of your underwear and down your trouser leg
packers are hilarious in general they’re all squishy and unnatural colours and you can make them stick to things
I’ve recently been part of some conversations about attraction where the following questions/ideas have come up—“am I a chaser? am I fetishizing a community if I’m attracted to its members? is this terrible? is this something I need to think further about? can’t I just say I like XYZ and have it be that, with no ulterior motive? we all have fetishes [here on Fetlife] and some of those things are actions or body parts or people, or IDs…”
There’s a difference between
(a) liking a person’s appearance/body and appreciating it sexually/aesthetically
and (b) placing value solely or primarily on that person’s body/appearance/identity category.
In (b), the person’s story, their life, their individuality is not of primary concern. It is less important than the “hot” identity that makes a person want them. This is also tied to someone having particular ideas about that identity (enter stereotypes!), which increase the desire and do not depend on reality, but on a fictional set of ideas and narratives about a person’s identity.
There are things we might find hot, but we should still interrogate those desires a bit more closely because so often they’re deeply entwined with racist, misogynistic, [insert ID]-st shit and they deserve a closer look. Really analyzing our desires, I think, can also serve to clarify them better for ourselves as well as for potential partners. For example, liking transwomen can be a thing for many reasons—it could be something about the history of transness, or the presumed/assumed anatomy, or it can be about finding someone similar/likewise trans*, or it’s an assumed attitude, the list goes on. What are you attracted to within the demographics you say you like? Are you attracted to women? To masculinity? To femininity? To genderqueerness? To men? To people with lots of hair regardless of what’s in their pants? The list can go on…
Personally, it can be tough for me to interact with people that I know fetishize some aspect of me. Random example—people who love “BBW” (Big Beautiful Women)! Personally, if I were approached by a self-identified “BBW fetishist” I’d probably give them some major side-eye because my experiences seeing that community deal with its attraction to fat bodies has been pretty sketchy in parts, and pretty objectifying. Ditto to someone who loves “Latin@s.” I’d question their motives, their interests, and their desires. I’d ask myself what about me are they stereotyping? Why is my Latinidad important to them? Is it something they wanna celebrate with me or is it something they want to keep out of sight and out of mind (and thus is easy to do because I don’t have an accent and am light-skinned)?
I think stuff like this can happen with any ID “category” (even things like…”gamer”), but it’s just exceptionally complicated and potentially hurtful to people when it’s around identity categories that put that person through shit and other people use to oppress them. Being a person of color or being queer or being fat are not “neutral identities”—they are loaded one that have been previously (and currently!) deployed to control people.
Finally, this conversation this also relates to (but is not the same as) being attracted to someone for how they are perceived and not how they actually identify, or ignoring a piece of someone’s ID because they can “pass” as something else that’s less “problematic.” For example, someone only/primarily being attracted to folks who appear/”act” white, regardless of actual cultural/racial/ethnic background, or someone being attracted to trans* folks that can pass as cis for whatever reason.
“But if you reject me based on my genitals that’s cisse-
People have preferences when it comes to genitalia of partners. That’s life, being rejected sucks but someone is not oppressing you by not being attracted to you. You come across an entitled baby by shaming someone for lacking in attraction to you. Stop crying about it, move on.
“Die cis scu-
Does that phrase really solve anything? The first time people learn of the word “Cis” should not be after the word die. The phrase accomplishes nothing. Telling people to die is not ok. Justified anger or not. That phrase is the worse idea anyone can come up with. You’re not going to get anyone’s respect by telling them to die.
“Sex is a social constr-
Anatomical sex is not a social construct. Sex is something that exists in nature, human females and males have different biological characteristics, that is reality. We evolved this way for the purpose of reproduction. (Ofcourse some people are born who don’t fit into the sex categories as neatly as others but that doesn’t negate the existence of biological sex). Can we please put the sex social construct argument to a rest. It wont suddenly exist the more you say it.
“OMG not only women menstruate some men have va-
I’ve seen this too many times. People derailing a post that has nothing to do with trans people and then making it about trans people. Trans people make less than 2% of the human population. Nobody is going to mention us every single time they talk about something. Seeing a post that says “girls have boobs” and feeling the need to mention how not all girls have boobs, is pointless, it accomplishes nothing and is honestly just plain annoying to see. Want to fight for trans rights? Well, instead derailing posts about women and abortions to add your two cents about how some people who aren’t women have abortions too, why don’t you instead focus on issues like trans people being forced to be sterilised in other parts of the world? Or the fact that trans people are raped and killed for simply existing in some other places? Or that some can be rejected jobs or housing just because they are trans? Focus your time on issues that actually matter instead of wasting time on tumblr derailing posts that have nothing to do with us and being a pain in the ass.
dang this is a tricky one i totally get what this tumblrer is saying like thats the point of it right? people being denied visbility no not everyone is going to know how to open up their conversations to include people outside of the spectrum as they see it but does that make it wrong to try and strive for that? i guess the main thing i am learning from this thread is that you have to be sensitive to what people need if a transpeople needs/wants to be included in a conversation i feel like there is a way to allow that WITHOUT necessarily derailing the … conversations were meant to have an unforseen destination i really appreciate this individual’s perspective though just as i respect the trans people who want to be included in the conversation