really hilarious/poetic/creepy review i found of a dildo that i was looking at.
“For older mountain men like me, satisfying the wanton needs of healthy younger women can sometimes be taxing, if not exhausting, so when I have reached the upper limits of my own existential and physiological turgidity, I reach out for my purple rubber friend, The TAntus, and turn on its agitating vibration to rush into the fray. The Tantus is a stand up device, willing and wiggling through even the hard play of insistent immersion in thorny environs, and still come out ready for more. Built of sturdier stuff that we ordinary mortals, he is always up for the hard job at hand, and can be heartily thrust into whatever taxing situation without worrying about his ability to see it through to the climatic moments ahead. So, with or without Viagra, having a suitable substitute appliance like the Tantus can make for some interesting nights with your favorite younger friend.”
…I want to be friends with the person that wrote this review.