I am still thinking about being fat in the BDSM scene because it’s just so weird.
As I’ve experienced it, you are at least a little more likely to be thought hot in the BDSM scene than you are in the “regular world”. And I’m not even really sure why this is.
Is it because being fat is something that makes you more likely to identify as an outsider, and therefore it kind of normalizes it (i.e., more fat people are already drawn to BDSM, so it becomes commonplace)? Is it because when you’re surrounded by people into blood and latex, being into fat people is pretty much nonexistent on the taboo list? (Though, even more strange: there aren’t many people that identify as an “FA” or “feederist” at any event I’ve ever been to.) Or is it because that BDSM, like regular life, is pretty much made up by regular-looking people, and the people who are coming to a sex-based event tend to care less about your overall looks than the fact that we’re all here to have sex together?
But here’s the weird part: even with this more relaxed attitude towards larger body types, we still don’t see a lot of fat people in BDSM media. Fetlife’s Kinky and Popular is still mostly full of aggressively skinny women, and you will see a lot of the same on most kink photographers’ websites or event websites. There’s also things like the never-ending debate as to whether fat people can/should be involved in rope suspensions, plus the usual dead horse of “It’s not a bias it’s a sexual preference!”
So BDSM isn’t a fat people haven, really. It’s more like two vastly different opinions sharing a very small space, where you have plus-sized ladies being nationally known presenters and other nationally known presenters saying that they would never do a rope suspension with a fat person at the same time.