The thing that scares me is when you kick an abusive person out of your community and they literally create a whole other scene they can be in.
I’ve both watched it happen and heard stories. The community, for once, does everything right— they rally around the abused person, bar the abuser from their events, and let other people know.
(“Event”, for the purpose of this article, doesn’t mean anything national, like Dark Odyssey— just locally organized, regularly occurring house parties where BDSM play happens. “Community” means stuff like “local munches” or “poly households”, not the entire American BDSM scene as a whole.)
The abuser, barred from all local events, then starts their own event— which in some cases rivals the popularity of the pre-established kink events. Then, a year or more later, new people come into the scene and don’t know the reasons why the new event was established.
A friend of mine said that becoming a community organizer for a local under-30 event was like “joining the mafia”. When I asked her why, it was because when she became an organizer, she learned about all the past histories of local events from the previous organizers. The reason the “Tenleytown Fisting Party” group never used the play space provided by the “Georgetown Fisting Extravaganza” was because, three years ago, the “Extravaganza” had been founded by an abuser that had been kicked out of all the local fisting parties.
This is really important to me. I just got out of an abusive relationship, and I hope that no one ever has to feel like I did.
I don’t do sex, and I don’t do abuse. But this seems important, spread this yea?
I have really complicated feelings about this kind of thing. Because it’s a good cursory guide, but…
BDSM and abuse can co-exist. It’s not a “one or the other” sort of question. Someone can (this is not theoretical, I’ve seen it) respect limits in scenes but fly into unpredictable rages outside them. Or they can bully people into “consenting” to play with them. Or they can hide their abuse in BDSM trappings and language and say “BDSM is not abuse” because hey, there was black leather involved.
The graphic seems to invite that kind of inverse logic: that something is BDSM therefore it is caring and consensual, rather than something is caring and consensual therefore it is good BDSM.
Certainly BDSM isn’t inherently abusive, but it can get tangled up with abuse in ways that are hard to plot on a two-column chart.
Follow-Up of the Day: Abused Bus Monitor Responds: Less than 24 hours after the horrific verbal abuse of Karen Huff Klein by a group of teens went viral, an online fundraiser to send the 68-year-old bus monitor on “the vacation of a lifetime” has raised $170,000 (and climbing).
What was Klein thinking as the juvenile delinquents berated her Monday?
Something about me being so fat and ugly your kids probably should commit suicide. I don’t think they knew my son had… I wanted to punch them is what I wanted to do. So that’s why I laid back, tried to ignore it. Because I really wanted to hurt them, you know? You can’t do that!
Klein said she doesn’t want the students to face criminal charges, but that she would like to see them “grounded all summer, or maybe all year.” She also would love an apology.
Meanwhile, the Greece Central School District has launched an investigation: “The first we learned of the incident was by email Wednesday morning,” said Deborah Hoeft, the district’s assistant superintendent. Two more videos of Klein being harassed have been found, and students are being questioned.
“This behavior is inexcusable and a clear violation of our code of conduct,” Hoeft said.
A news conference is planned for later today.